hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
How's work?
Spinning.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
