What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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