like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
