he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
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Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
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