i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
