I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
