sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
