And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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