I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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