did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
