I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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