Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I am never drinking with the goths again.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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