Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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