When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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