the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
