My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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