it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
