Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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