why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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