I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
