6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Nicole vs. Life
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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