For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
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It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
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Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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