so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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