my shit smells like andre
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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