I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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