k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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