I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
there is glitter all over my balls
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
