Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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