as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
