I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
