I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
