put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
