it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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