i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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