the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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