we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I am one with the molecules
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
