It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
