my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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