But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I deserve this hangover.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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