I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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