im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
