this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
