You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
