Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
