my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize