Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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