I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
