omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
