apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
