Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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