he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
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who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
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Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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