I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
