Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
