she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
