What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
