Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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