i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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