So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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