porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
