I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
