My room smells like vodka and shame
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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