i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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