i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
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