fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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