life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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