wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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