I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
