Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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