She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
