i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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