Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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