I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
