Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
