he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
