My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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