Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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