she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
